| Everybody likes to see big fat pay
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| | win that all important contract and
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| cheques coming in, hell some of us even
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| | prefer to go along the tried and tested
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| deserve them from time to time but what
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| | route of wearing dull grey slacks and
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| makes a client keep handing over the
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| | loafers. Remember Elton John didn't get
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| readies over and over again and how can
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| | where he is today by dressing like the
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| you as a lowly graphic designer among a
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| | boy next door.
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| sea of equally unidentifiable no-marks
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| | Brainstorm until you haemorrage
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| hope to secure new graphic design or
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| | If you can't work out why you're losing
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| website design contracts? Best read on my
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| | money hand over fist and your client base
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| friends as we give you the insider
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| | has dried up to a thin wafer like crust,
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| knowledge to equip you in this never
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| | get your team involved and crack some
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| ending rat race to swindle your fellow
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| | skulls! Sometimes the best people to tell
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| man
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| | you where you're going wrong are your
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| A winning smile costs nothing
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| | terrified and hate filled staff. Jim over
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| Think back over the last week or so and
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| | in scanning has been sat there feeding
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| see if you can remember anyone giving you
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| | off his resentment for not fulfilling his
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| the time of day in the street, a simple
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| | life for the last 10 years. Use him -
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| 'good morning' or a cheery smile from a
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| | he's got a brain up there hasn't he?
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| beautiful stranger as you go about your
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| | Margaret the lady who comes by the office
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| daily routine. It didn't happen did it?
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| | to sell sandwiches - again, could she be
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| Why? Because you've got a face like a bag
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| | put to better use sat in the spare room
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| of spanners, you're walking around as
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| | paid to think up a marketing strategy to
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| miserable as sin and you're giving off
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| | win over your rivals clients? If not
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| bad vibes. In short your whole lousy
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| | think and think again until it hurts.
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| operation stinks. So how do we turn this
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| | Remember its your ass on the line here.
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| around? Next time you have a new client
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| | Above all remember 'skull cracking' is
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| down to the office for a meeting, go up
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| | fun and if a few eggs get broken in the
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| to them and plant a big sloppy kiss on
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| | process, hey that's life in the fast lane
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| their forehead. You never know they might
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| | buddy.
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| turn around and sign that big 5 figure
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| | Delegate, don't vegetate
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| sum graphic design contract.
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| | We've all done it at some stage. Tried to
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| It's not all about the money
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| | cope when our world is falling apart,
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| Sometimes, the old adage 'a dog is for
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| | attempting to juggle the accounts, the
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| life - not just for christmas' rings
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| | graphic design work you have in and
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| chillingly true. If you've ever
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| | trying to bone up on web design for
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| considered or contemplated suicide based
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| | beginners in order to make ends meat.
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| on the fact your clients have been
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| | Here's a tip. Don't bother. That's right
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| leaving in droves and the only regular
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| | you heard. Research has shown that the
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| graphic design job you've secured in the
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| | best way to overcome a problem or
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| last 3 months is a flyer design for
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| | situation is to sleep on it. If you've
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| 'disco Stu's' 70's night down at the
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| | just about had a basin full its time to
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| church hall - on a wednesday night, then
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| | hit the sack and forget about it. Take it
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| it's high time you looked at yourself
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| | easy, kick back and have a beer. Feels
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| square in the mirror and worked out why.
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| | good doesn't it. Don't forget to always
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| Bad breath? Crooked teeth? Inability to
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| | have someone on hand who can cut the
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| stop yourself scratching your privates in
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| | slack when you've lost the plot. A right
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| public? No, the real reason your clients
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| | hand man is someone to offload problems
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| are leaving you high and dry is because
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| | onto at a moments notice and then slink
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| you're too mean. Throw in a few freebies,
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| | back to your chair safe in the knowledge
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| offer to cook your client a lovely
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| | he probably isn't going to quit his job
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| lasagna dinner for two, buy them a kinder
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| | any time soon what with a new baby at
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| surprise. Anything to curry favour that
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| | home and a mortgage hanging over his
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| isn't going to break the bank is worth
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| | shoulders. Too many graphic design
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| its weight in gold. And that's a fact,
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| | managers just do't know when to
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| fact fans!
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| | distribute the work. Remember the
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| Dress to impress
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| | immortal words of Homer Simpson 'If a
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| Anyone who was anyone in the eighties
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| | jobs worth doing well, don't bother"
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| will remember 'power dressing'. 6 inch
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| | Right, you're now armed with some
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| stiletto heels, shoulder pads set to stun
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| | invaluable insider information to get
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| and low cut tops with peep hole bras. By
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| | things back on track. Don't screw up and
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| and large businessmen today are reluctant
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| | you'll do just fine. Now get out there
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| to go back to cross dressing in order to
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| | and nail that son of a gun.
|
