| Everybody likes to see big fat pay cheques | | | | cross dressing in order to win that all |
| coming in, hell some of us even deserve them | | | | important contract and prefer to go along the |
| from time to time but what makes a client | | | | tried and tested route of wearing dull grey |
| keep handing over the readies over and over | | | | slacks and loafers. Remember Elton John |
| again and how can you as a lowly graphic | | | | didn't get where he is today by dressing like |
| designer among a sea of equally | | | | the boy next door. |
| unidentifiable no-marks hope to secure new | | | | |
| graphic design or website design contracts? | | | | Brainstorm until you haemorrage |
| Best read on my friends as we give you the | | | | |
| insider knowledge to equip you in this never | | | | If you can't work out why you're losing money |
| ending rat race to swindle your fellow man | | | | hand over fist and your client base has dried |
| | | | up to a thin wafer like crust, get your team |
| A winning smile costs nothing | | | | involved and crack some skulls! Sometimes the |
| | | | best people to tell you where you're going |
| Think back over the last week or so and see | | | | wrong are your terrified and hate filled |
| if you can remember anyone giving you the | | | | staff. Jim over in scanning has been sat |
| time of day in the street, a simple 'good | | | | there feeding off his resentment for not |
| morning' or a cheery smile from a beautiful | | | | fulfilling his life for the last 10 years. |
| stranger as you go about your daily routine. | | | | Use him - he's got a brain up there hasn't |
| It didn't happen did it? Why? Because you've | | | | he? Margaret the lady who comes by the office |
| got a face like a bag of spanners, you're | | | | to sell sandwiches - again, could she be put |
| walking around as miserable as sin and you're | | | | to better use sat in the spare room paid to |
| giving off bad vibes. In short your whole | | | | think up a marketing strategy to win over |
| lousy operation stinks. So how do we turn | | | | your rivals clients? If not think and think |
| this around? Next time you have a new client | | | | again until it hurts. Remember its your ass |
| down to the office for a meeting, go up to | | | | on the line here. Above all remember 'skull |
| them and plant a big sloppy kiss on their | | | | cracking' is fun and if a few eggs get broken |
| forehead. You never know they might turn | | | | in the process, hey that's life in the fast |
| around and sign that big 5 figure sum graphic | | | | lane buddy. |
| design contract. | | | | |
| | | | Delegate, don't vegetate |
| It's not all about the money | | | | |
| | | | We've all done it at some stage. Tried to |
| Sometimes, the old adage 'a dog is for life - | | | | cope when our world is falling apart, |
| not just for christmas' rings chillingly | | | | attempting to juggle the accounts, the |
| true. If you've ever considered or | | | | graphic design work you have in and trying to |
| contemplated suicide based on the fact your | | | | bone up on web design for beginners in order |
| clients have been leaving in droves and the | | | | to make ends meat. Here's a tip. Don't |
| only regular graphic design job you've | | | | bother. That's right you heard. Research has |
| secured in the last 3 months is a flyer | | | | shown that the best way to overcome a problem |
| design for 'disco Stu's' 70's night down at | | | | or situation is to sleep on it. If you've |
| the church hall - on a wednesday night, then | | | | just about had a basin full its time to hit |
| it's high time you looked at yourself square | | | | the sack and forget about it. Take it easy, |
| in the mirror and worked out why. Bad breath? | | | | kick back and have a beer. Feels good doesn't |
| Crooked teeth? Inability to stop yourself | | | | it. Don't forget to always have someone on |
| scratching your privates in public? No, the | | | | hand who can cut the slack when you've lost |
| real reason your clients are leaving you high | | | | the plot. A right hand man is someone to |
| and dry is because you're too mean. Throw in | | | | offload problems onto at a moments notice and |
| a few freebies, offer to cook your client a | | | | then slink back to your chair safe in the |
| lovely lasagna dinner for two, buy them a | | | | knowledge he probably isn't going to quit his |
| kinder surprise. Anything to curry favour | | | | job any time soon what with a new baby at |
| that isn't going to break the bank is worth | | | | home and a mortgage hanging over his |
| its weight in gold. And that's a fact, fact | | | | shoulders. Too many graphic design managers |
| fans! | | | | just do't know when to distribute the work. |
| | | | Remember the immortal words of Homer Simpson |
| Dress to impress | | | | 'If a jobs worth doing well, don't bother" |
| | | | |
| Anyone who was anyone in the eighties will | | | | Right, you're now armed with some invaluable |
| remember 'power dressing'. 6 inch stiletto | | | | insider information to get things back on |
| heels, shoulder pads set to stun and low cut | | | | track. Don't screw up and you'll do just |
| tops with peep hole bras. By and large | | | | fine. Now get out there and nail that son of |
| businessmen today are reluctant to go back to | | | | a gun. |